The Body Remembers, The Voice Returns

lower back pain as spiritual messenger

A few weeks ago, I shared in my newsletter about how I hurt my back. That pain shifted the course of my travel plans—and, as life often does, it opened up unexpected space for reflection.

For me, the lower back became more than a physical injury. It was a messenger.

the lower back & spiritual symbolism

The lower back is deeply tied to our sense of support, grounding, and foundation. Pain in this area can point to feelings of being unsupported in life, or a deep-rooted fear of instability.

Looking back at the weeks leading up to my injury, I could see how clearly this theme was showing up in my life.

the encounter

I had recently crossed paths with an authoritarian figure—a teacher whose black-and-white teaching style reminded me of old fundamentalist spaces. In their class, I became insecure, forgetting what I knew, shrinking back, afraid to share my questions. I lost my voice. I lost myself.

My body noticed what my mind was trying to ignore. The back pain became louder and louder, as if shouting:
“Hey! We are feeling some foundational instability… Pay attention to your grounding!”

remembering my voice

The pain was a wake-up call, pulling me back to my own authority. It reminded me that I didn’t have to default to voicelessness or hiding, as I did when I was younger.

In a Bodytalk session, a childhood memory surfaced. I was about seven or eight when I excitedly told my parents that when I prayed, I saw colours. Their response—likely out of confusion and their own obedience to external authority—was, “Oh no, that must not be prayer.”

And so, the dutiful child in me shut that part down and never spoke of it again.

From there, I could trace the pattern: giving up my wisdom, my voice, and my authority to outside figures. Growing up in a fundamentalist church. Working as a youth pastor in my twenties. Feeling insecure, afraid to speak my truth. And when I did, it squeaked out timidly rather than roaring from the deep place within me.

trauma held in the body

The trauma of not trusting my voice was living in my body. My lower back carried the weight of those old memories and fears.

When those patterns resurfaced, I could see them for what they were—protective mechanisms. This gave me compassion for myself. And with compassion, I could remind myself that I am much stronger and wiser now.

This awareness shifted my relationship with the new teacher. I wasn’t so afraid anymore.

Instead, I connected with my body’s remembering, honored the sensations, and whispered back:

“You are wise. You are brave.”

Reflection Questions

I invite you to pause for a moment and check in with your lower back.

• What is your relationship to your sense of stability and your own authority?

The lower back carries much of the weight and posture of the body. Both literally and figuratively.

Notice your posture right now:

• How is your lower back?

• Is this often an area of concern for you?

• Are you a bit collapsed?

• Are you carrying weight for someone else?

• Is there a responsibility on your back that feels heavy?

• Are you bending over backwards for someone?

• Are you feeling insecure about following your desire?

Take a breath. Sit with whatever sensations arise. Notice any images, memories, or emotions that surface. Practice listening deeply and compassionately to your body.

And then, thank your body for trying to speak with you.

Ways to Explore Further

If you’d like to go deeper into listening to your body and reclaiming your voice, here are a couple of offerings:

✨ Build & Reclaim – Deconstruction Support Group
For those processing the impacts of spiritual harm and high-control religion, this group provides a supportive community to explore topics like Purity Culture, trusting your authority, and navigating complex family dynamics. Every session we weave in body awareness, grounding our reflections in lived experience.

✨ BodyTalk Sessions
A body-based practice where your body leads the way. Together, we listen to what needs attention, notice the stories that emerge, and honor the deep wisdom you already carry within.

Your body remembers. Your body is wise. And when it speaks—even through pain—it’s offering you the chance to listen, reclaim, and grow stronger in your own authority.

Let’s listen together:)